There are so many times I’ve thought to myself, “I wish I could know the future”. However, when it comes to motherhood, I wish I had a time machine so I could talk to the version of myself before I became a mom. That pretty lady didn’t have a clue! For those that are navigating motherhood, this post is for you. Here are the things I wish I knew before becoming a mother:
Your body is no longer yours
Once your beautiful baby is birthed into the world, they are connected to you on a much higher level. Most people do not know – babies think they are still in the womb until about 6 or 7 months. Crazy right!!! Kids cling to you like white on rice and they depend on it for the first few weeks, at the least. After so long you may start to feel extremely overstimulated BUT think of the positives in this. Your baby loves you and believes you are the best thing to ever happen to him. It also doesn’t hurt to get those cuddles in because before you know it – They will want nothing to do with you.
Postpartum Anxiety
What is Postpartum Anxiety? Postpartum anxiety is excessive worrying that occurs after childbirth. People with postpartum anxiety may feel consumed with worry and constantly nervous or panicked. I can remember when my son was 1 month old, and I took him out on the balcony to get some outside air. The entire time I was sitting out there the irrational thoughts did not stop. All I could think was I would be holding him and trip on something “imaginary” and drop him off the balcony. Mind you I was on the third floor. These types of thoughts would take over, especially when I would leave him with his dad or grandparents. Just the simple fact of not being there to oversee things would kill me. If you start to notice these thought – RUN TO A THERAPIST and work through it.
Postpartum Depression
Postpartum depression is a serious mental illness that affects your behavior and physical health. If you have depression, then sad, flat, or empty feelings don’t go away and can interfere with your day-to-day life. You might feel unconnected to your baby, as if you are not the baby’s mother, or you might not love or care for the baby. These feelings can be mild to severe. Not a soul told me how hard it would be to fight this off. When you are taking care of this beautiful human, trying to make sure you eat, and getting no sleep PPD will sneak in and you won’t even realize it. I didn’t realize I had PPD until I was about 6 months postpartum and didn’t actually accept it for a couple weeks. This fight is ongoing but you can manage it. Making sure you get out of the house and have mommy time will help reduce all the affects. Talk it out with someone who will listen and be there for you. A village is necessary in these times. Having someone say to you “don’t worry I got you – I’m on my way” will give you more relief than you know.
Isolation
Besides Postpartum depression this has been one of the biggest slaps in the face. When I was pregnant so many people told me how they would be spending so much time with my son and being there for me but once he was here – That all looked so different. When working from home it is so hard to divide your time and space to not feel like you have been confined. It would be days I would just lay in the floor and cry because I had no adult interaction. Over the phone is always good but in person would make me feel like I was refreshed. In instances like this – mommy friends are very important. If your close circle of friends is not with child they do not understand exactly, what you are going through so the urgency in certain things do not set off an alarm like with another mom. To this day I use the Peanut app for moms. This app has everything you could ask for and moms from all over the world feeling the same way you are. You can join groups in your city dedicated to playdates or just mommy hangouts. I know in the world we live in today; it is extremely hard to trust new people – especially around your child. Just try to use your best judgement and use discernment to build those relationships.
Change in Relationships
For many of us the fairytale of raising a child has been altered in many, many ways – including the difference in your relationships. Your spouse may be the first relationship you notice being affected. You both are now putting all your time into making sure this small human is cared for, correctly. That leaves your relationship on the back burner and trust me no matter how hard you try to get it on track, in the beginning, it is almost impossible. It takes times and patience to pull it in. Both parties have to accept the new norm and figure out what that looks like, going forward, in your relationship.
Parents are a touchy subject when it comes to this major change in life. Parents tend to be the most pushy, outspoken, judgmental people when it comes to their grandchildren. I love to think it’s because they love them oh so much, LOL. Setting boundaries with your parents is so vital to keep everything peaceful as your child grows up. They will want to give you their opinion on how they did things but do not hesitate to stand up for what you want to implement into your child’s upbringing. NO means NO!!!
Lastly but not least, your close circle of friends. These are the people that have seen you through a lot of stages in life, but this stage will be the most impactful. Now that you are a parent you are not as easily accessible, you cannot just jump when they want you to, you may be too tired to go out and party, and certain people and groups are no longer of interests to you and all of this is because you have a new priority and responsibility. This is the most important responsibility you will ever have in life. Because of this, friendships may shift, and you may start to feel like the outcast. If you are fortunate enough, you will have a close circle that still includes you and make sure they ask you to do things that include you and your child. They won’t hold against you that you can’t respond or go right on the spot. The moral of it all is PATIENCE. Grace is needed, so you can figure it all out.
Guilt! Guilt! Guilt!
Are we superheroes? Yes, of course, but we have to have some kind of break. Leaving your baby with dad or anyone can sometimes cause you to feel like you are failing your child. Once they hit a certain age they will throw a FIT once they realize you are leaving them and that’s okay. As long as you know you have them with someone you trust and know can care for them, do not feel guilty. Feel guilty for yourself – that you are neglecting your needs and wants. If you are not well taken care of, how are you going to care for your family?
Body Changes
Getting comfortable in your new body can be a real challenge. After I had my son, my stomach pretty much looked like I was about 4-5 months pregnant for the first month postpartum. At that time, you aren’t too upset and stressed about it but once you hit that 4–5-month postpartum mark – when your Uterus has gone down and you are feeling pretty normal – you start to really look at yourself in the mirror. I remember one day I got up and I felt “normal” for the first time. I went and took a shower and decided I wanted to look cute that day, for me and my son’s dad. I was in the mirror just analyzing and started to realize how different I looked, almost distorted to me. I said to myself “You just had a baby, its fine, lets just move on and get dressed.” I kid you not, every piece of clothing I pulled out of my closet would not fit. This is when the fireworks started. I literally became depressed and was crying in the floor of my closet. I was so distraught at the thought of losing my body. I loved my body pre-pregnancy and during my pregnancy. Durning pregnancy, especially – I felt sexy, feminine, and desired. I was thinking there was no way my boyfriend would ever desire me again. I felt like I was broken!! It’s very important to know that he reassured me multiple times daily of how beautiful I was and how he desired me even more. Try to sit in those feelings and really process them. One thing that helped me, alot, was getting naked and just looking at myself in the mirror chanting positive affirmations. Your body is strong and beautiful – YOU BIRTHED A WHOLE HUMAN!!
Dealing with Opinions
Lets face it – Being that you are a first-time mom, you do not know everything! Yes, when you need advice and help it is very appreciated. I sometimes think people can overstep when it comes to just giving their opinion on your parenting style. Ex: When my son was about 5 months old, my mom was very adamant on me giving him juice. Personally, I did not want to start that habit and would rather him do water, but his doctor did not think it was a good time to start implementing straight water to him at the time. My mom took it upon herself to go and purchase the juice, lol, and forced my hand. I gave him the juice that one time and I regretted it. He choked and wasn’t much of a fan. Granted once he was 7 months I decided to try again, and it worked out. Stick to your parenting styles – NO MATTER anyone’s opinion. You know what is best for your little one. You will always get the “oh I would have done this or I would have done that”, “In my opinion” you should have done blah blah, or “when I was raising you” comments but it is just fine to say: I appreciate your opinion, but I prefer to parent this way and I’m going to stick to it.
Overwhelmed with Love
The type of love I feel for my son is a type of love I have NEVER experienced in life. When I first had him, I would just look at him in disbelief that he came out of me. Once we left the hospital, it’s almost like a new level of emotions came over me. I realized that this human was really my little person and I had to protect him at all costs. The feeling of love for him was so strong that I would sob at how I could love someone so much and the love just continues to grow. There were days when I would look at his little face and just think of how beautiful he was and how beautiful it was that he, automatically, loved me unconditionally. Just thinking about it makes me teary eyed. It’s very important to know that it’s not all pain and hurt. Along with the sleep deprivation, hunger, no showers for days, bad hair days, depressed days that this baby loves you more than anything in this world and in their eyes its only you. That feeling alone makes all the bad disappear.
While motherhood is the MOST DIFFICULT journey I have ever embarked on, it has also been the most rewarding one. Soak in this time, laugh and have fun, and celebrate the small victories because they are the ones that will mean the most in the end.
WTF MOM 